🔖人生箴言

Be true to myself

最近脑子里总是出现这句话。简单来说就是诚实、坦然地面对自己，不因为别人的看法而做一些或不做一些事。

对于我来说有一些非常具体的情境。比如去咖啡店的时候我也想拍一些“探店”的照片，但同时不希望被别人看成追求出片的人，所以有时候就不拍了，甚至不想让别人看见我带了相机。还有去旅游的时候，尤其是去当地的有名餐馆时，我也很不想被别人看出是游客，不希望别人觉得我“慕名而来”。天呐，写完这些觉得我自己多少有点毛病。

所以我才需要be true，听从自己内心的声音，按照自己真实的意愿去行动。因为我确实就是想拍好看的照片，也的确就是个游客。

另一方面，我也时常因为自己得不到而隐藏自己想要。所以有一些羡慕我从来不说，我只说还可以，或者假装自己不喜欢。装cool，其实很不cool。

所以我也在尝试，真诚表达我的欣赏和喜爱。毕竟给出feedback也是我单方面的事，不应该考虑对方会因为我的回应如何看待我。

以上是对自己言行的要求，而对待他人又有另一个信条。

“No one is superior to anyone else in this world.”

这是Elizabeth Strout的新书The Things We Never Say里写到的：

“Artie could feel his face getting red, his face was hot—hot!—and he said, “Do not ever feel that you are superior to someone else. Because you are not.” He sat down. He held out his finger to the whole class and shook it. “No one is superior to anyone else in this world.”

在她的My Name is Lucy Barton里她就写过：

It interests me how we find ways to feel superior to another person, another group of people. It happens everywhere, and all the time. Whatever we call it, I think it’s the lowest part of who we are, this need to find someone else to put down.

我发觉在对话中，很多人的回应出发点都是这样的，一再地表明自己更好，更优越。对于别人提到的资讯，总是用各种方式表明自己早就知道掌握了，对于别人称赞的事物显得不屑一顾都是凸显自己的方式。

书里还有一段是讲主角在病房里会把自己的看的八卦杂志藏起来，避免医生查房时看见，避免被评价，这就是我们避免自己feel inferior to another的方式：

The magazine lay that morning on my bed. Then I put it into the drawer in my table that had the telephone on it, and I did that—hid it—in case the doctor came in. So I was like my mother, we did not want to be judged by what we read, and while she wouldn’t even read such a thing, I only didn’t want to be seen with it. This strikes me as odd, so many years later. I was in the hospital, essentially so was she; what better time to read anything that takes the mind away? I had a few books from home near my bed, though I had not read them with my mother there, nor had she looked at them. But about the magazine, I’m sure it would not have made any dent in my doctor’s heart. But that is how sensitive we both were, my mother and I. There is that constant judgment in this world: How are we going to make sure we do not feel inferior to another?

所以对内或对外，这其实都是一条轴。在这个人人都习惯去评判和比较的世界，时刻提醒自己不比别人高一等，也无须因为别人的比较而改变自己的意愿。Be true to yourself，这就是锚定自己位置的唯一有效方式。那些无法诚实面对自己的人有他们自己的路要走。